AU STUDENT AND HIS GIRLFRIEND FEATURE IN A POPULAR TV PROGRAMME

Until now, Magnus Lindharth has gone largely unnoticed in the canteen queue and the hallways of the Nobel Park, where he is a fifth-semester history student with museology as a supplementary subject. But that may soon change, as he and his girlfriend, Signe Tandrup Hansen, are participating in the latest season of the DR TV programme ‘Døm vores forhold’ (Judge Our Relationship). When Omnibus meets the couple, only two episodes of the programme have been released on DR. Yet Signe Tandrup Hansen has been recognised several times for her participation in the programme.

“A lady came by to tell me that she thinks we're cool. At IKEA, some people came up to us to say they were looking forward to seeing the rest, because they could relate to our problem,” says Signe Tandrup Hansen, who is currently studying to become a teacher at VIA University College in Aarhus. She is currently doing an internship at a nursery just outside Aarhus.

The couple moved to the city in 2023 from Vojens in Southern Jutland. They have known each other since third grade, but it was only during one of several coronavirus lockdowns in 2021 that they started seeing each other. Four months later, they started dating and have now been a couple for four and a half years.

The premise of the program ‘Døm vores forhold’ is that each couple must judge and share their observations about the other couples face-to-face.

"It was overwhelming at first to have to judge, but we quickly agreed with the other couples that we signed up for a reason, so you had to say what was on your mind and not take it personally," says Magnus Lindharth.

One’s relationship and individual patterns seem like a personal matter, though. Still, the couple agrees that the other participants' judgments did not feel like a personal attack - in fact, it was fun to hear what the other couples thought, Signe Tandrup Hansen says.

"It's a personal attack on your relationship, but not on me personally." It's not directed at me. It's not directed at Magnus," Signe Tandrup Hansen says, referring to the fact that there was a very special atmosphere between the couples in the summer cottage.

“It's hard to explain that atmosphere and everything we went through in there and why we didn't take it so personally,” she says.

According to the couple, it’s actually an advantage that other couples get to share their observations and judgments about their relationship.

“When you consult friends, there can be a tendency for things to be sugar-coated a bit. It might be easier to hear it from people you don't know because things are just told as they are," says Magnus Lindharth.

It was Signe Tandrup Hansen's idea that the couple should sign up for the programme.

“At first I wasn't entirely sure because I thought it was very boundary-pushing,” Magnus Lindharth remembers.

“The application stated that you had to be between 23 and 32 years old, and I'm 22, so we expected to be rejected,” Magnus Lindharth says.

However, the couple moved forward through a lengthy application process with many opportunities to back out along the way.

“The further we got in the process, the more I actually wanted to try,” Magnus Lindharth says.

“I'm just glad he said yes in the end. I had no doubts," says Signe Tandrup Hansen.

In the programme, the couple shares their trust issues openly. When the couple moved to Aarhus, Signe Tandrup Hansen did not thrive in her studies at the time, and she eventually dropped out. Magnus Lindharth, on the other hand, expanded his social circle in the history programme and took part in Friday bars and other social events. This left Signe Tandrup Hansen feeling insecure.

“I kept asking, Why do you have to do that? Because I was just at home and missing my friends from home. “I hadn’t managed to establish a social circle in Aarhus,” she says.

“I would get angry and annoyed if he went somewhere, and he wasn’t allowed to go alone,” says Signe Tandrup Hansen.

“That's why we signed up,” she says.

In the programme’s first episode, the couple explains how trust issues can tend to escalate.

In the first exercise, the couples must rank six well-known themes in a relationship. The higher the issue is placed, the bigger the problem it is for the couple. The themes are 'communication', 'trust', 'sex and intimacy', 'you, me and the two of us', 'dreams' and 'balance'. Signe Tandrup Hansen and Magnus Lindharth both place 'trust' at the top of

the ranking. In the program, Signe Tandrup Hansen explains what emotions are at stake when Magnus Lindharth goes out.

“I'll be scared if he doesn't answer. My brain immediately goes into overdrive," she explains.

“I quickly become angry and spiteful. If he doesn't answer, I'll also call his friends," says Signe Tandrup Hansen during the exercise.

The trust issue has been a big part of their relationship, according to the couple. They signed up for the programme to get some tools to deal with the problem before it was too late.

“This jealousy has played a very big role, and we’ve also been open that if it couldn’t be resolved, then it wouldn’t work out between us,” Magnus Lindharth says.

Why didn’t you go for couples therapy rather than join a TV programme?

“We had actually also talked about couples therapy,” says Signe Tandrup Hansen.

“There can be quite a long waiting time, and it can also be quite expensive. This programme is also a form of couples therapy, but perhaps an easier form," says Magnus Lindharth.

"When we first signed up for the program, Magnus also said, 'If only it wasn't filmed’. “If not, we wouldn’t have doubted for a second whether we should participate,” says Signe Tandrup Hansen, adding that their concerns turned out to be unnecessary once the cameras started rolling.

“We saw it as a way to grow as a couple,” Magnus Lindharth says.

The couple has been checking the anonymous internet forum Reddit, despite DR’s advice to participants to the contrary.

Parts of the comment threads on Reddit can best be described as a gossip hub, where users often post rumours under pseudonyms about Danish celebrities, influencers, reality TV participants, and more.

“We wanted to see if there was anything about us. And there was,” Magnus Lindharth says.

“Yes, there was,” says Signe Tandrup Hansen.

“We’ve been mostly in the background during the first episodes, so we thought there wouldn’t be much written about us,” says Magnus Lindharth.

After the first two episodes, the brief commentary focuses mainly on Signe Tandrup Hansen and her jealousy, as well as on whether the relationship will last in the long term.

“Some of the conclusions these keyboard warriors come up with after watching two half-hour episodes… well, it’s incredible the so-called experts sitting out there,” says Magnus Lindharth.

“Yes, they seem to see right into your relationship. It's fantastic," Signe Tandrup Hansen says, sarcastically.

The two exchange a glance, followed by a smile.

What about the person who, after ten shots at the Friday bar, comes up completely uninhibited and says to one of you, “You deserve better”?

“People may think what they want about us, but they don’t see the full picture or everything that has happened over the past four years,” Magnus Lindharth says.

“We joined the program to get help with our problem from the other participants in the programme. "What other people think matters less to us," Signe Tandrup Hansen says.

“We have a healthy and stable relationship. We’re fond of each other and we help each other. “Nobody can say anything that could shake that foundation at all,” she says.

“We have been very emotionally invested in this. We were exhausted when we got home. "We cried all the way home," Signe Tandrup Hansen says.

The couple won’t fully reveal whether the overwhelming emotional experience, and inviting all of Denmark into the behind-the-scenes of their relationship, has been worth it.

“You have to watch the program if you want to know if it has helped,” Signe Tandrup Hansen says.

“But we’re doing really well, that’s for sure,” Magnus Lindharth says.

This text was machine translated and post-edited by Lisa Enevoldsen.